For Your (Furry) Best Friend
by David Brawn
1. Don't eat hot food, yellow snow, toffees, peanut, butter, or wasps (flies are okay).
2. Don't drink seawater, fizzy drinks, or out of the toilet.
3. Don't get fat.
4. Don't go to sleep on ants' nests.
5. Don't chase sheep unless you're qualified.
6. Don't pee on houseplants or wet yourself when having your tummy tickled.
7. Don't try to catch a ball that's small enough to swallow.
8. Don't countenance incest.
9. Don't be embarrassed about showing off your private parts.
10. Don't whine.
11. Be inquisitive.
12. Control your jealousy.
13. Be someone's hero.
14. Wear your collar and tag with pride.
15. Stay indoors for fireworks.
16. Take your owners for walks (never let a little rain dissuade you!).
17. Push your nose under someone's elbow if you want attention.
18. Stick your head out the window (or preferably the sunroof) of a fast-moving car.
19. Keep your tail away from young children and down when it's cold and windy.
20. Chase frisbees but not boomerangs.
21. Learn to find your own way home.
22. When you get old, learn some new tricks.
23. Learn to say "Sorry" and to shake hands.
24. Learn to unwrap your own presents.
25. Lie down in front of the fire - but not too close.
Source: A Dog's Little Instruction Book